just an FYI...this is going to be long. i need to rant about several things. so skip over it if you don't care or don't have time or if i talk to you all the time because if i talk to you all the time you will prolly hear it from me eventually
so today was REALLY long and exhausting. though it was good somehow. started off really funky. was late for skool so it actually didn't start out to hot. got there and i had the pleasure of explaining to my enitre class that i was not off doing nasty stuff with "that boy" because me and "that boy" are not together anymore. that was um i think interesting would be the best word. thanks terri for asking and everyone else for being nosy.
then i got to theatre...basically it felt like going through the first brandon thing all over again, just it wasn't me this time. it was one of my best friends. in this break-up i really wasn't hurt. i was pissed off by a few things and quite a bit bitter if i do say so myself, but the biggest thing was i was ok with it. which before had not been the case. this time it truly was a mutal agreement. that's why i've been ok. but the previous time i was not ok with. my world was ripped to shrewds and i had no control and didn't know what to do. i've moved on now..or at least started to move on. and now i feel like i'm going through the "bad one" all over again. the same helplessness is back. i wanna help him damnit! but i can't. i couldn't help myself. i didn't have the answers then and i still don't have them now. it hurts you to see someone go through the same very painful thing that you went through. and just an shout-out to brandon since i'm sure he's reading this...i'm nto trying to make you feel guilty at all. i'm just stating the facts. so i'm sorry if what i just said hurts you in any way.
then gov...(not important)...then i got to practice and mrs. ochoa told us that mark's dad had a heart attack and that he was in the hospital. it's one of those moments when you just stop and you don't know what to say or do. you want to help, but there's nothing you can do but hope and pray that he'll be fine. more info. on that when i know it. just keep mark and his family in your prayers even though some of you who read this don't know mark...still keep him in your prayers.
so then i got home...and got on line trying to do hw and other stuff and aj imed me. some guys just don't know when to just go away. he ims me and said he heard i might be working in nashville this summer at a theatre. then he says well maybe i could stay with you cuz i'm going up there in june. i could stay with you that way i don't have to spend money on a hotel. i was like uh yeah...i don't think so. used the my mom wouldn't let me even if i wanted excuse. he was like oh well who says she has to know. i was like srry i don't do that unless it were my bf or one of my girlfriends and i wouldnt' have to sneak them anyway. he was like well maybe after a week with you i'd be your bf again. i said hell no. then he went in this really really long speech about how he was wrong and that he NEEDED me back and all this dumb ass crap. i'm so sick of hearing that. it's always what they can get out of me. i'm so sick of giving and not getting anything back but hurt feelings and a broken heart. i just can't give anymore.
so went and ate dinner and talked to my mom for a lil while. we talked bout all of the above and then just boys in general. i've decided that i'm not making the first move anymore. all it does is get me in trouble. if they're not willing to approach me then they're obviously not that interested and if they're not that interested then they're not worth my time. this will also keep me from doign the "rebound" crap and throwing myself at guys that are no good.
last but not least talked to my grandma today. um...how many of y'all are going to come visit me in prison when i get thrown in jail for murder? *looks around* yeah...my grandma was almost in tears because of my uncle mike. i think if there is anyone in the world that i truly hate it would have to be him. he treats his mother like crap...oh wait no he treats everyone like crap. he's 37, lives at home, no job, and bosses everyone around like he's king of the world or something. my grandma is terrified of him and won't kick him out or do something about it. it's just omg i wanna kill him sooooooooo bad! so...who's gonna help me?
ok i think i'm done with my extra long post...i'll leave with a happy thought...we were all approved as far as senior directs go! oh yeah! sooooooooooo HAPPY!
*Ash  | 
